Let Yourself Have Your Anger

Some people are totally out there with their anger. Others hesitate. They may have anger but repress it because they don’t think they should have it. Sometimes we think that if we are going to forgive, we shouldn’t be angry. However, making a choice to forgive doesn’t mean you don’t have anger.

Let yourself have your anger! Part of healing from an offense, betrayal or hurtful action of another is to deal with the emotions that go with it. Anger is like a warning light on a your car dashboard. It tells you something is wrong.

Your choice to forgive does not mean you deny the pain caused by the hurtful actions of another. In fact you cannot truly let go and heal until you acknowledge the wrong that was done to you. Often it’s helpful to share with another trusted friend or counselor who can help you get in touch with just why you feel angry and help you gain perspective.

If you are still stumped, ask God to reveal to you the reasons for your anger. Usually under the anger, there is hurt, frustration, fear or sadness or some other emotion. Anger is considered a secondary emotion and if you can get to the underlying feeling it’s easier to process.

Do be careful in how you express your anger not to be hurtful and at the same time don’t deny it. We’ll talk in the next post about a different kind of anger such as when you are ready to explode.

"In your anger do not sin" Ephesians 4:26 (NIV)

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Comments

[Laura]

Hi! I am new to your site and can already tell how helpful and insightful it will be. I am inspired by the bible verses along with the advice. I did see what I think is a typo in this post so just wanted to point it out so it can be edited (trust me, I make them all the time!!): "Your choice to forgive does mean you deny the pain..." I think you meant to say "does not mean".

And this post has been a powerful lesson for me within the last year. Laid off a year ago by a boss with whom I had a close, honest, personal relationship, I did not allow myself to be angry at him for violating our trust by not discussing the decision with me first. I went into a mode of superior-being "forgiveness" that was really based on trying to be the better person than true forgiveness. It took a long time to cut through that ego and see how angry and hurt I really was. I am still processing that and when I am ready, know I will fully forgive him.